I had a dream, and all of you were in it....you and you, and even you!

I feel like Dorothy standing in the Emerald City, waiting for the Wizard to tell me it's time to go.
There are people I want to say goodbye to, but I don't. I'll be back in August to visit, but it's a long shot that I'll see most of them...still, why belabor this?

Well, anyway:
Goodbye, Tin Man, good luck with your heart. Try not to give it away so quickly this time, and keep yourself safe while you fight the good fight.
Goodbye, Lion. You're not a coward, but you ARE a Lion, and try to keep your temper. You're well-loved.
Goodbye, Big Brother, I hope you continue to always be watching. I wish I could take you with me.
And goodbye, Scarecrow...I guess I'll miss you most of all. Be good, okay? And sorry I can be such a moody bitch. Take care, okay? And just so you know...I forgave you a long time ago.
And to all the others....I love you guys. Thank you.

There. All done. Don't we feel better and very sappy now?

Really, Guys Are Such Fags

This is a little note to the great majority of men...you may find it upsetting, guys, but it's true: YOU'RE GAY. Why do I say this, you may ask? Because you care abot penis size WAY more than the average female. I mean WAY more. This is excluding the fabled 'size queens,' but there are outliers on every graph.

Allow me to explain myself.
Most men would rather DIE then let people think he has a small dick. But what's a giant tonker really good for, anyway? I mean, really...is it really all that indicative of your personality, ability to make money, intelligence, or courage? No. And it really isn't connected to your sexual talent or prowess, or your ability to impregnate a woman. So what's the big deal?
Some men will claim that having a big dick gets you chicks. But come on...we don't want a manstrosity. Sure, Tiny Tim would require the knowledge of proper angles and positioning, but that's entirely plausible. I'm sure there are dicks out there that are too small, but only because the men attached to them don't make the effort to develop skill. Which might be because they have small dicks and have defeatist attitudes.
Too many guys who have big dicks just rely on the fact that their dicks are big, and wail away on their lady friends. Now, this can be nice, but sometimes (and I know this is an alien concept to some men), ladies like their men to be nice to them, and get them off. Wailing doesn't really do it all the time. Sure, she's yelling, but look at her face, kid; she don't look too happy.

The point of all this is that women don't really CARE how big your dick is. We care if you know what to do with it and we care if you're nice to us. MEN care how big dicks are.
Because they're gay.

Can't this care go any faster? 'Cuz I can still see where I am...

As promised, another quote from Buffy that is appropriate to my life. It's from "Once More, With Feeling," the musical episode in Season 6. This is the goodbye that Sweet (the demon forcing people to sing and dance) sings at the end of the episode.

What a lot of fun
You guys have been real swell
And there's not a one who can say
This ended well
All those secrets
You've been concealing
Say you're happy now,
Once more with feeling
Now I gotta run
See you all in hell

I mean, really. Show of hands: who REALLY wants to know what anyone thinks of them?
You only really want to know if it's positive, or at least neutral, right?
And yet.... *sigh* And yet.

Love and Other Strange Fruit, Also Interpreted as a List of Neuroses

I'm a punk-rock jazz baby...a sometime bum and ALL the time artist. Whether I'm moving my body, spreading oil over a canvas, scratching graphite onto paper, strumming my guitar or clanging and banging away on borrowed drums, I am trying to bring my insides out for all to see.
Honest to a fault, blunt to the point of annoyance (or so I'm told), I will always tell you exactly what I think of you and I will never be sorry for it.

I stare at the sky, I wash my hair in the rain, and I dance as often as possible, always as if no one is looking.

The crowning glories of my life are my children...2 beautiful children, the loves of my life. Meredith and Damon, or more often, Boo-Boo and Peanut. Beautiful and perfect, genius children.

I am nothing more than a romantic...hopelessly in love with everyone. I would sell my soul for a romantic notion, even though I'm cynical enough to know that they never work out. And even though I'm bruised and sore, out there with my feelings, wearing my heart on my sleeve...I'm emotionally exhausted and so unbelievably wary of any kind of commitment or attachment beyond loving friendship that I've cut several people off recently, following their admissions of 'feelings.'
So love me, friends, but never try to actually have me.

If I ever found the one...well, here's a snapshot:
Some one who shares my hopeless sense of romanticism, who thinks I'm beautiful, who I'm attracted to, who makes me laugh, who's honest, and who would be good to my children.
I want some one who will stay in the car to hear the rest of the song, some one who embarrasses me adorably in front of other people with displays of affection, some one who likes looking at night skies, just like me. I need some one who's like a drug at first, but becomes the sun. It has to be gravity, nuclear fusion, a force of nature between us. Some one who makes me want to use the hated words "destiny" and "fate."
I want love so strong that it almost seems wrong. I want some one who makes me laugh, cry, think, yell, scream, dance, sing...makes me EVERYTHING all at once.
And most of all...I want them to feel the same way...if I'm in the room, I want to be the ONLY person in the room, the only one they see, anyway. And I want them to love that about me.

Miley Leaves Montana - About Time!

Well, now, a rant for the benefit of the kiddies!
This rant involves Disney Channel actors, so if you have no idea who I'm talking about, don't feel bad...I only know about them because of my own children.

So, recently Bill O'Reilly stooped to the level of BLASTING Miley Cyrus (also known as Hannah Montana) on his show, the O'Reilly Factor. There's some set-up that I now have to give you...I'll try to be brief.
Miley has always presented a very "little girl" image. No low-cut tops, no short-shorts (not even regular shorts, to be honest...Bermuda shorts were as short as she'd gone before recent events), leggings if she's wearing a dress or skirt that hit her above the knee, etc. Her music was PG for the most part, one or two probably hit the PG-13 rating, but only because Disney thinks kissing and holding hands is pornographic. Her show is basically about her chasing boy after boy, none of them being up to her standards, and her never coming into physical contact with them. Her music is generally about friendship, family, having fun, and an occasional nod to the confusion of pre- and early pubescent love. "I'm too shy to look you in the eye, but I can't wait to see you again" type stuff. Cute.
Now, don't get me wrong. My daughter loves the Hannah Montana show. I watch it with her, because generally I don't like the idea of my kids watching cable TV, never knowing if when I step out to use the bathroom or answer the phone, they'll have changed the channel and be watching the Spice Channel or something. The show's funny. It's not excruciating to watch, and adults actually laugh at it. But it's meant for early teens, and girls who can't wait to be early teens. Training bra stuff, basically.
To reiterate: MILEY CYRUS/HANNAH MONTANA THUS FAR HAS BEEN SUPER TAME.
Not too long ago, Miss Cyrus posed nude for Vanity Fair. Tasteful, artsy, not in the slightest sexually suggestive, and really not even UNintentionally sexually suggestive. You never saw so much as the outer curve of a buttock or the shadow of a breast. In that and other, more recent interviews, Miley explained that she feels that the Hannah Montana gimmick may have run it's course, she's outgrowing it, etc. Completely expected. She turns 17 this coming November, after all.
The pictures were her way of showing that she could be an adult, and very obviously so, without being crude or sexually exploited. Which is great, I mean, we know where several former Mousketeers ended up, so kudos to Miley for not succumbing to the "Sex Sells" mentality that a lot of child stars fall into (or in some cases, dive into headfirst) upon reaching adulthood and realizing that they can't be the cute kid anymore.
One last expositional detail: Miley Cyrus has stated that she wants a smooth, even transition from her Hannah Montana fame into something more "Miley-esque." In other words, she wants more creative freedom and not to live in the shadow of her own gimmick. Understandable. She has made strides in this direction by adding "Miley Stewart" (her 'ordinary' persona on her show, meant to represent the normal, average, everyday side of Miley) revealing herself as Hannah Montana to the world in her latest movie. She has stated that she feels this will make it easier on her fans to accept that the Hannah Montana fever may be coming to an end.

So, now that you know the score, let's move on to the recent Kids' Choice Awards. This show was put on just earlier this month, in the heat of August, in balmy Florida, I believe. Under hot lights. Surrounded by thousands of screaming children and their reluctant parents, all adding their respective 98.6's to the heat. So Miley decides to perform her set in a tank top and shorts. The tank top was not spaghetti-strapped or tight, and did not show her stomach at all, even when she was dancing. Some people said they saw a flash of bra, but having gone over the presentation multiple times because my daughter and younger sister refuse to watch it any less than 3 times a day, I have to say that I didn't catch it. Maybe I would have if I'd been in the audience. Moving on. Miss Cyrus also sported a pair of shorts. ACTUAL shorts. They hit a few centimeters below where most teenagers not sleeping with their entire wrestling team wear them. If she had let her arms just hang, the fabric probably would have stopped at her knuckles, but not the fingertips. Her behind was not visible, and the shorts, while snug, were not skin-tight. To me, on the tape, they look like your average black jean shorts. Sure, they were probably designer shorts, or something, but just to give you a reference. Pretty average stuff. Lastly, she wasn't wearing as much makeup as usual, and had on little heeled ankle boot type shoes on. Not slutty, just not childish. It was flipping hot outside.
The crowning glory? Her set was themed in a sort of "summer fun" motif, so she was standing on one of those little hand-pushed ice cream carts. You know, the kind with an umbrella? Well, the umbrella was removed because she was too tall, and it would have hit her in the face, and she was holding on to the pole it would have been mounted on because she was on a rolling platform in heels and is quite obviously NOT a retard. Because of her precarious perch, Miley really didn't dance as much as usual, a departure from her usual high-energy, very entertaining routines. In fact, she pretty much limited herself to swaying back and forth, bouncing on her toes a little, and whipping her hair around during instrumental breaks. I think at one point she reached out to receive a hat from a backup dancer, and you could see her face as she clung on for dear life while flinging her arm out and snatching up the hat as quickly as possible. She looked terrified.

Imagine, for a moment, what Bill O'Reilly had to say about Miss Cyrus's performance. "Pole-dancing" and "dressed like a stripper" were some of the nicer comments he and his 2 female 'correspondents' (I suppose to lend credence to Bill in the mind of American mothers?) puked onto the table in the "No-Spin Zone." I'm sorry, but as some one with more than a little knowledge in those areas, I have to say I disagree. She was dressed like every other 16 year old girl in America, with the exception of the ones who have parents who enforce wardrobe restrictions. Her bits were not showing, and her dance would have been welcome on the original Mickey Mouse Club, for Christsake.
One of his female guest stars commented that if she was Miley's mother, she would have vetoed the routine and the outfit in favor of something more tame. To be sure, it could have been less teenager and more little girl. But this woman went on to say how much of a role model Hannah Montana has become to young girls, including her own. Who doesn't encourage their child(ren) to revere some one OTHER than a fictional television character? This goes back to censorship debates that have been repeated ad nauseum for the last 50 years. Where do we draw the line between 'inappropriate for public consumption' and 'parent your children more actively'?
I, for one, try to keep from sheltering my children as much as possible to avoid the inevitable culture shock they will receive later in life when they start becoming themselves. (I mean within reason, folks. My children are toddlers. This is not an endorsement on my part for showing your children blood and guts horror or hardcore porn.)

This "controversy" seems even more ridiculous to me, however, following on the heels of the big Vanessa Hudgens to-do. For those who don't know, Miss Hudgens has performed in all 3 High School Musicals and has had cameos and short-term spots on several Disney shows. Her dramatic attempt to illegally bust out of her Disney contract upon reaching adulthood. She posed for nude photos and deliberately "leaked" them onto the Internet and into the tabloids. Miss Hudgens was not black-balled, and continues to make millions of dollars off of her career as a Disney star. She may yet build a 'grown-up' persona and launch herself on her own, but the point is that she was forgiven for being pornographic and BREAKING THE LAW, or at least attempting to. Miss Cyrus is just trying to move up to the next Disney age bracket smoothly. And yet she may lose it all if mothers refuse to allow their daughters to watch her show, go to her movies and concerts, dress in outfits from her line of clothing, and buy her CDs.

I guess where I'm going with this is that Bill O'Reilly has further made himself look like an ass, which is always good, and Miley Cyrus may get unfairly blackballed, which is awful. She has truly made a niche for herself, entertaining our young girls in a fully age-appropriate way.
We should be thanking her for that, congratulating her on her upcoming birthday, and wishing her luck in her professional transition.

Miss Cyrus, I take my hat off to you.
Don't bother returning the gesture, though, dear...that ice cream cart doesn't look very stable.

I'm not your friend, I'm just a man who knows how to feel...I'm not your friend, I'm not your lover, I'm not your family, YEAH~

I was thinking of this old conversation I had with Grant...
An emotional day, kind of a bad fucking day, ended on a romantic note, which he always hated. He was always running away from me, but then managed to pull me along with him.
Anyway, we're having a drink, and he looks up at the buildings and then gives me this sidelong glance and murmurs, "You know, you're the type to want to fly up there to see the sky better. But some one could get hurt, doing something like that, climbing onto the roof."

I hate metaphors today.
Especially since this one still applies.

Lie to Me

"Does it ever get easy?"
"You mean life? ...What do you want me to say?"
"Lie to me."
"Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are always easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We always beat them and save the day. Nobody ever dies, and everyone lives happily ever after."
"...Liar."
*****
I have come to the conclusion that there is a Buffy the Vampire Slayer quote for every occasion. This one fits my life right about now.
Say what you want, but that show was the awesome when it started, back in '97. It got hokey near the end of its run, but it is definitely quotable.
Perhaps I shall gift you with more quotes from time to time.